AWF 5/19/08 Meltdown

[Spazz]

Hardcore Title Mayhem Arsenal. Chaser vs Catastrophe:

Well Chaser put all his heart into the match. It was definitly his best showing against Catastrophe. Catastrophe's first order of business was to grab a ladder from under the ring, which Chaser liked and pulled a "Gimme." Catastrophe took offense and took it back...only for Chaser to take it right back.......then Chaser takes it back again.........so Catastrophe can take it right back. At this point Chaser says "Screw it" and instead hits Catastrophe with a spinning heel kick, then leaves the ring for a hammer. Catastrophe took this hammer and suddenly, he became Thor. He demolished Chaser with one sledgehammer after another. Chaser finally gets him away from the hammers and brings in a trashcan....to which Catastrophe pulls a "Gimme" and slams Chaser over the head with it and pins.

Winner and NEW AWF Hardcore Champion: Catastrophe


Submission Only. Brandon Dubaine vs LowKo:

(Good news, everyone! I know HATE submission matches. Neither Brandon or LowKo have heard of a submission hold, so it just came down to beating the shit out of each other. I started the match at 4 o'clock and at 8 o'clock, I finally had enough and quit out of the match. So instead we have...)

Normal Match. Brandon Dubaine vs LowKo:

Now we're in a good match. Brandon pulls out every high-flying trick he has, but LowKo constantly swats it all aside like Brandon was a little fly. LowKo hits his Go To Sleep finisher and pins.

Winner: LowKo


Normal Match. Yugo Ryan (w/ Melissa) vs Mark Rejda:

The first five minutes sees Yugo dominate the match. Mark is dumbfounded as Yugo seems to strike from every which way. However, reversing a suplex makes Yugo stand still and Mark takes charge. Yugo doesn't just give up though, it soon becomes a brawl fest between the two but the bigger Mark shines through. Mark pins Yugo after a forward suplex.

Winner: Mark Rejda


US No. 1 Contender Triple Threat. Mikey Malicious vs Warren Peace vs Devin Sain:

This match when to hell in a hand basket really quick so I'm just gonna cover the end. Devin and Mikey and brawling in the ring when Warren climbs the turnbuckle. Mikey drops Devin and Warren flies with an elbow drop aimed for Devin. He nails Devin like a missile but Mikey is so close that he too gets clobbered. Warren overviews the carnage for a second then almost lazily pins Mikey.

Winner and United States No. 1 Contender: Warren Peace


Normal Match. Jaysun Legend vs Karma:

Karma started this match out very impressive. She definitly had the upper hand until Jaysun remembered he had more in his arsenal than strikes. Karma was soon under a massive airborne assault from Jaysun until a Russian Legsweep put her down.

Winner: Jaysun Legend

Jaysun slips out of the ring then stops as he reaches the ramp and scratches his chin. He looks back to Karma and then reaches in the front row of the crowd and grabs and empty chair and slides back into the ring. Jaysun swats the referee to the side and cracks Karma in the back of the head with the steel chair. Jaysun smacks her about five more times before suddenly darting out the ring. LowKo slides in, kendo stick in hand. He smacks the ropes in frustration as Jaysun slips into the crowd. The camera's last shot of Jaysun is a psychotic grin on his face and pointing at LowKo before disappearing in the sea of people.

LowKo turns his attention back to the beaten Karma. He picks her up and carries her up the ramp back to the locker rooms.


Non-title Steel Cage. Deathblade vs Lino:

I'll sum this up like this: DEATHBLADE SMASH!!! Yep...I've never seen anyone kick Lino around like that. Deathblade beat Lino like he was orange haired, ponytailed stepson. After breaking Lino in half with a backbreaker, Deathblade climbed the cage.

Winner: Deathblade


Normal Match. Evan Moore vs Spike Norton (w/ Red Norton):

I'm sure Spike went into this match expecting an easy win...well he was wrong. Two seconds in, Evan drops Spike with a Jeff Hardy style kick. Soon the match began to look something like Rey Mysterio vs Rocky Balboa. Evan put up a good fight but Spike's Norton Brainbuster finisher ended Evan's flying time.

Winner: Spike Norton


Hardcore Match. Grim Sain vs "Slim" Jim Norris:

Let me tell you the story of when Slim met Grim. Twasn't pretty. Chair, meet Jim's face..many.....many.....many.....many times. Grim looked at Jim and said "Wow. Bleeding looks fun. I think I'll do it to myself." So he did. Twice actually. And thus Jim learned his lesson: Don't mess with the man with the red dreads...who has a chair.

Winner: Grim Sain


(More to come)

[Spazz]

Ladder Match. JC Malicious vs Scott Froelich:

Scott came into this match with a sign stapled to his head. A sign that read "Hit me hard with a steel ladder." So JC did, many...many...many times. So when JC was sure he'd turned Scott into lumpy gravy, hed set the ladder and began to climb. So JC grabbed the title with both hands and began to pull it down when then Scott appears from nowhere and just shoves JC off. By this point the case is over half way down so Scott just finishes it off. Talk about stealing the victory.

Winner: Scott Froelich


AWF World Title Main Event. Osiris vs Freaky:

Uhhh.....hmmm, I have nothing witty to say here. Just a beatdown.

Winner: Osiris

The bell that ends the match rings as Osiris celebrates. Freaky sits up, fuming. Blood streaks down his face as he notices the referee bringing Osiris the world title. Freaky curb checks the referee and takes the title and smacks Osiris across the face with it as he turns around. Osiris slumps as Freaky turns to the ramp and gestures with his hand like signaling for someone to come down.

KMFDM's "Beast" rings out, signaling the arrival of Yugo. He rushes down to the ring, a chair in each hand. As he slides into the ring, he tosses one chair to Freaky before wheeling around and cracking Osiris in the face.

Freaky fits his chair around Osiris's neck and on the signal from Yugo, Freaky stomps down on the chair, almost breaking Osiris's neck. Freaky pulled his chair off of Osiris and kicked him over onto his stomach. He lifts the big man's head up and slips the chair under his head like a metal pillow.

Yugo raises the chair high overhead and slams it down onto the back of Osiris' skull. And does it again. And once more, for good measure. Leaving the dented chair on top of Osiris' head, Yugo points to the damaged weapon. "Hold it in place!" He barks. Immediately after he closes his mouth, the instrumental version of "Cry Out" tears through the arena as both Yugo and Freaky freeze in place. Yugo looks over his shoulder to see Lino, standing at the top of the entrance ramp, arms crossed and United States Championship in hand. After a moment, Yugo and Freaky relax, doubting that Lino will aid Osiris. Yugo climbs to the top turnbuckle, and poses for a moment before leaping off, and catching an elbow drop on the chair placed on top of Osiris. Yugo stands, then proceeds to stomp on the chair.

Freaky slides back into the ring with his trusty kendo stick and kicked the dented chair to the side. He lifted Osiris up onto his feet and handed him to Yugo to support. "Not so tough now, are ya?" Freaky swung down and the kendo stick bent as it smacked onto Osiris's head, then snapped back into place. Freaky handed the stick to Yugo and they switched places.

Yugo quickly smashes the handle of the kendo stick into Osiris' temple before backing up, and striking a home-run-force shot to Osiris' stomach. Freaky releases Osiris as he slumps forward, holding his gut, and Yugo drops the kendo stick. Yugo places Osiris in position for a powerbomb before flashing the rock fist, and hoisting Osiris up and dropping him with the Superiority Complex. Yugo gestures toward the downed Osiris, as if to tell Freaky it's his turn.

Freaky smirked maliciously and backed up toward the corner. He motioned for Yugo to stand him back up and when Yugo does, Freaky charges forward like a raging bull and almost breaks Osiris in half with his Visceral Impalement. Freaky stood back up and looked down to the beaten Osiris and waves his hand, signaling he wasn't worth it now. Freaky stepped through the ropes to the outside of the ring after retrieving his kendo stick.

Yugo snatches a microphone from ringside and gets in close to Osiris' face. "I suppose you think this was one hell of a beating, eh? This was NOTHING!" Yugo picks up the AWF World Championship belt before continuing. "I've taken beatings FAR WORSE than this, and went on to drag my own ass out of the ring. You, my 'friend', are, by NO means, REAL championship material." With that, Yugo drops the belt onto Osiris' face and drops his microphone. He begins to make his way out of the ring, and after pausing a moment, turns back to Osiris, backing into the corner. Yugo charges forward and punts Osiris in the crotch before, at last, making his exit to Megadeth's version of the Duke Nukem theme...

[Osiris]

Damn. And that ain't overkill?

[CK Malicious]

Great stuff Spaz...